Frustration

I called the medical clinic where I had my physical exam done this afternoon, just to follow up whether or not they have already sent the results to the embassy. It turns out that the packet is just for pick up today! The earliest that will get to Perth will be middle of next week. How many weeks it will take for the Australian assessing body to come up with a verdict clearing me for a visa is anybody's guess.

This is particularly frustrating because the company promised they'd send the results within two weeks as long as they were unremarkable. I had my physical exam almost 3 weeks ago! Ordinarily I would be cool about this, but a week's delay is a big deal when you're running after a deadline.

The path to my planned trip to Perth has been riddled with so many ups and downs that I'm already exhausted even before I've left. I know I should be positive about the whole thing and believe with conviction that it's going to happen. It's difficult to do so when things go awry just when you think they were beginning to look up.

I really do want to go despite the apprehensions I have about leaving. But this point, I don't know what the outcome will be. It's hard staying in this moment, being still in this period of waiting. It would be easier if the answer were already a clear yes or a clear no - then I could begin making clear plans for the rest of my year, begin thinking of my alternatives.

I think that is part of God's challenge to me right now. To be still and let Him do the work. To be still and wait for Him to reveal the answers in His own time. To live in this moment and trust that in the end He is working for my good.

Even if, after taking my life into perspective, I realize that He has never really let me down before, surrender has always been my pitfall. I like being in control. I like knowing what comes next. I become stressed in uncertainty. And this is what makes this challenge particularly difficult.

But I know that God knows His plans for me better than I do - and I have to hold on to that. There is a chance that things may not turn out as I have planned. If He says no to me on this one, I must trust that He has something better for me instead even if I may not see it right now.

Regardless of the outcomes, I will hold on to His promise:

"We know that in everything God works for the good of those who love Him, whom He has called according to His plan." - Romans 8:28

In the meantime, I struggle to live from day to day in this vacuum, with just enough light for this step I'm on, as I let Him take control.