Out of Narnia

I first fell in love with the land of Narnia as a little girl watching a cartoon version of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. The story of four ordinary children stumbling by accident into a magical land of talking animals and other mythical creatures come to life immediately captured my imagination. But it was when I found the entire series of books a few years later in our school library that I became a lifelong devotee.

There are seven books in this series by Christian author C.S. Lewis, all of which are related to each other yet can stand alone. Despite criticisms against them in recent years for their alleged "racist" and "sexist" undertones, these books stand as classics that are still loved the world over by both children and adults alike even today.

I've read all of the books in the series too many times to count and, even today, I continue to go back to these stories over and over again. One thing I've enjoyed about revisiting these books as a grown up is finding parallels to my Christian faith woven into the narrative. While C.S. Lewis denies that he created Narnia as an allegory of Christianity, he does not deny the existence of similarities, specially between Christ and Aslan, the Great Lion son of the Emperor-Over-the-Sea, guardian and savior of Narnia.

Reading the books as an adult, I have learned to appreciate the stories through the lenses of my experiences and see the instances where the fiction mirrors my life, more specifically my walk in faith.

In one of the books in the series, when Aslan tells some of the children it would be their last visit to Narnia, he explains that was because it was time that they got to know him and love him in their own world. Because he had met them and allowed them to know him in the fantastic world of Narnia, it would be easier for them to meet him and recognize him in their own world.

I have been given the privilege to meet God in very personal way many times in my life. Like the children of the Narnia saga, these encounters have seemingly been a product of coincidence, but with eyes of faith, I've realized that they were really brought about by His design.

But once I am back in the Real World, it becomes so easy to forget.

It's so hard to hear His voice in the noise and distraction of life. It's so hard to see how He is moving in my life when I'm so caught up in my own concerns. I praise Him that despite my stubborn insistence on straying, He constantly brings me back to Narnia, to remind me that He is the God of miracles, the God of love, and the God who keeps His promises.

That is the constant challenge He has for me - that I may persevere in the walk that He has called me to walk even during the times in my life when I can only vaguely remember the brief glimpse I had of Him. And it is my prayer that He will give me the grace to have that seeking heart, that I may be sensitive to feel Him moving in my life, recognize Him in my everyday, and love Him unabashedly - even when I am out of Narnia.

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Talking to God from the Middle of Nowhere

There are a lot of things going on in my life right now, and You already know that it's a combination of all of these things that have finally led me back to You. No matter how hard I've tried to run away and hide my dreams from You, there is nowhere I can run from Your love. In the end, it is Your voice I hear in the turmoil of my life's storms, and it is Your voice that always draws me home.

Lord, You know my heart. No matter how I rationalize my decisions or sanitize my intentions, You see all that is inside me - even the thoughts that I struggle to hide. You see everything that goes on in my life and in my heart from the perspective of the One who knows me better than I know myself. You have plans for me that are so much more that I can ever imagine.

I am here at a point in my life when there are so many options and nothing is clear. I am tired of going about making these decisions on my own, Lord. I lay all this open before You and invite You to be a part of this time in my life.

I've put off doing this because for the longest time I've thought of You as the "dictatorial God." I'd always thought submitting to "Your will" was an all-or-nothing decision, as absolute as black and white or right or wrong. I never really asked the questions because I was afraid to hear the answers. But now that I have begun asking me these questions, I hear no imperative commands apart from Your invitation to surrender and to open myself to possibilities.

It is hard to surrender my dreams, Lord, even to the One who created them. But that is what You want me to do. You challenge me to trust that You really have a plan for my life that is for my good even if whatever it is far beyond my understanding. You challenge me to surrender my dreams into Your hands and have faith that where You are taking me will never go against the deepest desires of my heart.

At this point in my life, You stand with me at this crossroads and invite me to take this walk with You. You make no promises that it will be a smooth road with no trials or tribulations on the way. But You do make the promise that no matter where it leads me, You will be with me through it all - as You have always been.

Lord, give me the grace to let myself be led by You. And as I let go of my dreams and put them in Your hands, help me embrace the truth that I know in my head but have yet to truly learn in my heart - that You are all I need.

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Frustration

I called the medical clinic where I had my physical exam done this afternoon, just to follow up whether or not they have already sent the results to the embassy. It turns out that the packet is just for pick up today! The earliest that will get to Perth will be middle of next week. How many weeks it will take for the Australian assessing body to come up with a verdict clearing me for a visa is anybody's guess.

This is particularly frustrating because the company promised they'd send the results within two weeks as long as they were unremarkable. I had my physical exam almost 3 weeks ago! Ordinarily I would be cool about this, but a week's delay is a big deal when you're running after a deadline.

The path to my planned trip to Perth has been riddled with so many ups and downs that I'm already exhausted even before I've left. I know I should be positive about the whole thing and believe with conviction that it's going to happen. It's difficult to do so when things go awry just when you think they were beginning to look up.

I really do want to go despite the apprehensions I have about leaving. But this point, I don't know what the outcome will be. It's hard staying in this moment, being still in this period of waiting. It would be easier if the answer were already a clear yes or a clear no - then I could begin making clear plans for the rest of my year, begin thinking of my alternatives.

I think that is part of God's challenge to me right now. To be still and let Him do the work. To be still and wait for Him to reveal the answers in His own time. To live in this moment and trust that in the end He is working for my good.

Even if, after taking my life into perspective, I realize that He has never really let me down before, surrender has always been my pitfall. I like being in control. I like knowing what comes next. I become stressed in uncertainty. And this is what makes this challenge particularly difficult.

But I know that God knows His plans for me better than I do - and I have to hold on to that. There is a chance that things may not turn out as I have planned. If He says no to me on this one, I must trust that He has something better for me instead even if I may not see it right now.

Regardless of the outcomes, I will hold on to His promise:

"We know that in everything God works for the good of those who love Him, whom He has called according to His plan." - Romans 8:28

In the meantime, I struggle to live from day to day in this vacuum, with just enough light for this step I'm on, as I let Him take control.

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The Trouble with Straddling

I had a light-bulb moment today as I was standing in front of the fridge, figuring out what would be a suitable breakfast.

All of you know the constant struggle I have with my weight, and how at this point in my life it's becoming imperative for me to make the switch to a healthy lifestyle. After all, I am not getting any younger and with a family history of hypertension and diabetes to contend with, I really have to start making the right lifestyle choices or face the consequences.

Unfortunately, knowing this in my head has not helped me kick my ass into gear. Despite the potentially dire outcomes of being wishy-washy with my health, I remain stagnant in my state of inertia, still waiting for my one big push to get me moving.

I've been trying to "cut down" and "start sort of exercising" for weeks now, but neither endeavor has taken off the ground. And as I stood in front of the ref, I realized that it's not possible to be "sort of on a diet." It's either you're on it or you're not.

In the same way, it's not possible to be "sort of a renewed Christian." Either you are or you're not.

In both cases, it's a matter of commitment. And in both cases, something that I admit to having a problem with.

One problem with straddling is that it gives one leeway to choose what rules or obligations apply and what don't. Since I'm not really on a diet, it's okay for me to sneak a couple of the chocolate-covered macadamia nuts every day. Since I'm not exactly in "good standing" with God right now, I can forgo the Bible reading program I used to be on.

The other problem with straddling is that because I have "plausible deniability," I can choose not to be accountable for my actions. When people call me to task on my actions or shortcomings, it is easy to brush them off by saying, "I'm not really (insert state here) therefore..." Life just gets easier.

But I do realize that without truly committing to living a healthier lifestyle, or to being a good Christian, I cannot truly grow or reap the benefits of making that commitment. Unless I commit to being a certain way, living a certain way, I cannot come into the fullness of life that is associated with either choice.

It's hard committing to something - it means taking responsibility, being accountable, and drawing on discipline to stay true to my commitment. But I will only forever be stunted if I continue to straddle the fence.

It's a constant struggle to get off the fence and a grace I beg God of - that I may live up to my commitments, whether it's to live a healthy lifestyle and lose weight or, more importantly, to declare that I am a Christian and live as I am supposed to live. Amen.

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Something to Sing About

God and I have been playing tug of war for a very long time now, with me doing most of the pulling away. Despite knowing first hand how the Lord is a God of miracles, I continue to struggle with surrender and the path He invites me to walk with Him.

But despite my stubbornness and my resistance, He continues to keep calling me back to the fold and frees me with His love. And that, for me, is definitely something to sing about.

Ginny Owens' "Free" describes what I feel right now perfectly. I am on a mountain top right now, and I want to tell everyone who wants to listen that God is good, God is awesome, God is... beyond words!

Turnin' molehills into mountains,
Makin' big deals out of small ones,
Bearing gifts as if they're burdens,
This is how it's been.
Afraid of coming out of my shell,
Too many things i can't do too well,
Afraid i'll try real hard, and i'll fail--
This is how it's been.

Till the day you pounded on my heart's door,
And You shouted joyfully,
"You're not a slave anymore!

"You're free to dance -
Forget about your two left feet
And you're free to sing
Even joyful noise is music to me
You're free to love,
'cause I've given you My love,
And it's made you free
I have set you free!"

My mind finds hard to believe
That you became humanity and changed the course of history,
Because You loved us so.
And my heart cannot understand
How You accept me as I am,
But You say You've always had a plan,
And that's all I need to know.
So when I am consumed with what the world will say,
Then You're singing to me, as You remove my chains,

"You're free to dance -
Forget about your two left feet
And you're free to sing
Even joyful noise is music to me
You're free to love,
'cause I've given you My love,
And it's made you free
I have set you free!"

Free from worry, free from envy and denial
Free to live, free to give, free to smile

Amen to that! And I praise God for being a God who is faithful and never forgets!




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